J 25, It's on

I wipe the last bit of vomit off of my lips, and hack the remnants of my cheese fries into Thomas' toilet. A flawless puke, not even a dab of digested Guacamole on the rim...I guess I am getting good at this. Happy Birthday to me, I think as I rinse my mouth out and rejoin Thomas in his kitchen.

"Let's do another shot."

"Dude," Thomas vainly protests, "Naw, man, naw."

"I just hurled and I'm hungry for some booze."

He's starting to think I have a problem. I am starting to think that the Roman's had it right, because those cheese fries were delicious and now I can drink more. I pour two shots for us, and we sit on the kitchen floor. I glance at my watch, it's 3:29 in the am...fuck I guess it's on.

"To super heroism." I meant the words to come out big and robust and triumphant, but they fall from my lips with a sort of melancholy that reveals my fear. I've been doing the wrong thing for so long, and feeling pretty good with it. Now I am going to have to abandon my way of being for what I suppose is a more worthy cause.

Thomas and I clink and tip. The liquor tastes good as it slowly sears it's way down my throat. Thomas is on my council of Good, and his advice, tolerance, and patience with my antics have provided me a model for living. I try to take on what I think are the best qualities of those around me, good or evil, but I'd be lucky to get an ounce of Thomas. Of course, I don't mean that in a homosexual way, however, if I did it'd still be true.

"A gay guy totally tried to pick me up when we were at Blondies," I confess.

"For real?"

"Yeah."

"How'd it go?"

"He seemed nice, but a little too pushy."

It's a true story and I can sympathize with the guy. Sometimes you forget to do the little things and just jump into the sales pitch. Perhaps this is all it takes to earn someone's trust enough to get on their good council. I watched a scene familiar to me and every fledging young man trying to hard to pick up at the club, only this time in reverse. The dude was talking to me, trying to feel out my ideas on bisexuality. I let him know that it wasn't really my deal. He backed up and started asking me meaningless personal questions about where I worked and what I like to do. I answered generically, then he came back around and again took up the topic of switching teams. I began to wonder if I was too drunk to avoid being taken advantage of, as the fellow in question was at least a foot taller than me. I grow uncomfortable and my body language broadcasts it. Then my friend D Day comes to my rescue and begins engaging me in unrelated conversation so that I can turn away in a socially acceptable way. The guy finally leaves.

"Was that dude trying to fuck you?" D Day asks, meaning to break my balls.

"Yeah, actually...everyone likes some attention now and then though."

I'm lucky he was a gentleman.

Earlier in the night, D Day had told me he read my blog, which meant alot to me. "I gotta tell ya, if I had a council of Good and Evil I think 'Sean...Council of Evil'" "Yeah, I see where you're coming from." "But maybe what you ougtta do is just try to get on someone really evil's Good Council. Like you can be the guy who says, 'We've already beaten and robbed this homeless dude, we don't have to skull fuck him'" ...Now there's an interesting idea.

"Thomas, I don't know how I am gonna do this."

"What the whole being not evil thing?"

"Yeah." I am paraphrasing, as I don't write conversations down and also most direct quotes are misleading. My friend BJ recently quoted me in his blog about not being naked for a year. I challenged him on it and he claimed he quoted me directly from the notes he'd been taking. He asked me how I got others to do what I want, and according to his blog, I responded, "You have to get them to think they owe you something." The only problem is that this is ludicrously far off from what I believe to be an effective persuasion and negotiation technique. As anyone who as even a tangential relationship with me knows, I do get my way alot. But it's not about guilt or trickery, it's about compromise and honesty. I am honest enough to state what I want, and then tactful enough to figure out what others want. Then, I will make a case for my desire, and prod to get a case out of the others if it should happen to differ from my own. At that point, I try to reach accord. It's about diplomacy. You see, BJ probably did quote me correctly, but only after he had asked me the same question several times and finally got an answer that jived with his beliefs about me, evil, and persuasion.

This is a pretty good summary of why I am doing this project.

"Why are you worried?" Thomas asks.

"Because I feel like I'm already behind everyone else enough. My ex girlfriend is getting married, I'm nowhere near where I want to be in film, and I'm turning twenty-four. When a man turns twenty-four, he's supposed to be on a path to getting his. Getting where he wants to be...I'm not even close."

Thomas nods in contemplation.

"Yeah man, but really think about it. Sure, (expletive) is getting married, but it's what, her third engagement? It had to stick sometime, and I mean yeah she's getting married, that's the shitty part, but guess what? It's not to you."

We laugh. He's right, my concern was retarded.

"And sure, you're not in film, but you're pursuing it. You're getting closer to a goal. You're paying off debt and you've got a job which is more than a lot of people can say."

We have another shot, and talk some more. Thomas passes out against a wall and I go to bed.

I suggested earlier that I wanted to get on a Good council because people view me as too self interested, but I misquoted myself. I really want to be on someone's Council of Good because I want to do for my friends what Thomas just did for me.

Make me feel better.