What must it be like? (Fuck you Luke Skywalker)

Sean Badgley's pledge to you: Whatever I write, whenever I write, it is with the explicit purpose of entertaining you, the reader.

Thanks
~S

Day three isn't going half as well as day two and rest assured day one sucked a nut. I feel totally lost on this whole 'no evil' thing. It's not that I love doing bad things to people, it's just that when I find myself in a certain situation where someone is trying to act in their own self interest, I react based on countering their own intentions with furthering my own, thus to avoid being completely taken advantage of.

My not nude friend said that if he failed, he'd admit it immediately on his blog, thus I guess I am obligated. Fortuneately, his journey is definite while mine is realitive. If his tesitcales are seen, then it's basically game over, but for me, I can likely confess my failings publicly and perhaps still succeed getting on someone's coucil of Good.

3 situations that today alone challenge my machiviellian instincts and make me question what I am doing.

Today on my drive to work, someone tried to dart in front of me from a side street. Only thing was that today it was extremely icey. This fool did not have the right of way and was probably used to being a total asshole on the road. The type I usually cut off, flip off and then scream 'fuck off!' The kind of asshole that I love reminding what's up. The sort of gentleman that I love stepping on because he loves stepping on others. This guy meant to cut right in front of me (in a school zone) Unfortunately, he hit the gas hard, and his late 1980's buick's tires just spun and spun on the ice. He continued, incidentally, to hit the gas even as I was right in front of him. I saw his wheels spinning and went in front of him, then when I was right in front of him (his tires still hopelessly spinning, keep in mind) I slowed my car down, made eye contact with him, and started laughing at his foolishness.

I saw his rage and shame instantly.

I felt light hearted...then thought, wait: that had to be not Good. What must it be like to feel bad about something like that?

Later, a friend's girlfirend wanted a favor. Here's the thing. She uses EVERYONE. Also, I slept with her. Also, she is constantly disrespectful despite my best efforts to bridge the gap and reach a non awkward accord. Here's another thing, I owe her nothing. And here's yet another thing, I recently needed a favor from her, and she not only refused but did so in the rudest fashion possible.

Here's another thing

She told me she loved me once. I am a passionate person, and Love is absolutely and unquestionably sacred to me. I confess openly that she invaded my head and heart and ransacked all she could find before leaving when it was most convieninant for her. Do I hate her? No.

But am I trying to do shit for the ho?

So here's the rub. She needs a favor I could easily do. But on the other hand, everything I just wrote. What should I have done?

I reacted like I thought most my Good Council would and simply didn't respond to her request. Effective as it was cowardly. Is this the moral and rightous dignity I was looking for? I made the choice not to help instantly.

What must it be like to really consider doing such a person the favor?

Later, I try to talk an old woman into a loan she probably doesn't need. It's my job and I hate it.

Morality=Consistancy? I'm starting to doubt it.

My clothed friend is too behind on his blogging to be happy. I haven't spoken to him in a while cuz I'm pissed at him, maybe when he finally reads my work he'll find out. Clearly confrontation isn't akin to morality, and if I can't tell some people off to satisfy my pride then I damn sure not gonna let him know he's fucking up. What must it be like to hit such a dead end? I wish I were struggling for material, but instead I'm only struggling.

Fuck you Luke Skywalker